all very well and good

But I don't think this way about losing Jenny. No amount of good could possibly justify what happened to her -- and to us.

Trying to reconcile Jenny's death in some tangible way is a huge temptation -- that somehow I might ease my pain by believing that it wasn't a complete waste ...that some people may have grown through this, or learned how to better support others in pain, or that some parents may now change how they relate to their own kids -- all very good as far as it goes.

In particular I consider how Jenny's corneas were transplanted -- and how two people can now see because of this. And I also remember how Jenny's heart valves were also transplanted, and how somebody else is probably alive today and walking around because of this, too. And even this website, which has been visited over 250,000 times since the accident, has probably helped more than a few people in their walk through grief -- all very well and good as far as it all goes.

But it does not go far enough. Wouldn't the two people with new corneas have gotten them from someone else by now? Is it not likely that the person with Jenny's heart valves would be walking around with somebody else's tissue today?

Perhaps a lot of good has come, and perhaps even a lot more than I dare to guess. But the fact is -- Jenny is gone, and the years that she should have lived here with us will never happen. And so I can only conclude that we are missing out on far more than anything we could possibly do to make the best of her death.

At "best" I can only attempt to keep one tragedy from rolling into others. And that starts with accepting that nothing is going to fix it, or smooth over the edges, or paint a silver lining on the dark clouds of this event -- thereby facing the temptations head on.

The planet may be a better place in some small ways because Jenny died -- I will grant that.